Well, the small scouting party of aliens make a protective bubble in the water trapping only a handful of naval destroyers in, while the rest of the world is shut out.
You may ask where the “Battleship” part of Battleship comes in, pertaining to the board game. Once the action starts, the inane dialogue mercifully ceases and we’re left with the type of explosions and CGI you were expecting when you walked through the door. Thankfully he has Petty Officer Rihanna to help him. Will he find it in himself to stop dicking around during an alien assault and become the savior Earth needs? I wonder. They desperately try to give Hopper depth, but as soon as he’s introduced as a ne’er do well, you can guess his character progression instantly. Once their helmets come off, you’ll witness the most off-putting alien design in history.īattleship makes you want to claw your eyes out during the inane “set-up” phase before the aliens land. Well, turns out they heard us, and when five ships come crashing into the ocean, it’s clear they’re not the friendly kind.
There’s a vague back story laid out about how in 2005 we set up a satellite to try and communicate with a “goldilocks zone” Earth type planet in another star system (as if NASA would ever have that kind of budget). He’s about to get kicked out of the Navy after mucking up a giant Pacific Ocean war games exercise (well, the soccer game portion at least), but thankfully his job is saved by an alien invasion. After he gets arrested trying to steal a chicken burrito to impress Samantha (Brooklyn Decker), his brother (Alexander Skarsgard) forces Alex into the Navy to serve alongside him.įlash forward six years, and Hopper is in a position of moderate power, but still a disaster of a human being. An eternal screw-up and lady chaser, he lets his stupidity get in the way of showing everyone what a good guy he is. Taylor Kitsch plays a goofier variant of Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights named Alex Hopper. Or he’s just being paid obscene amounts of money to show up and look imposing for twenty minutes. And of course we can’t forget Liam Neeson, who between this and two “Titans” sequels must be going a bit batty as he grows older and chooses new film projects.
#Ps1 hagrid therapist full
And who would sign up for such a daft exercise in filmmaking? Well, director Peter Berg threw some darts at a wall full of headshots and came up with two Dillon Panthers, a True Blood vampire, an R&B singer, a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl and Turtle from Entourage (seriously, look for him).
But while many of us have fond memories of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee growing up, few can say the same about a tiny gray aircraft carrier that was sunk because stupid Billy Sanders totally cheated and looked at my board when I went to get some string cheese.Īnd remember kids, Battleship is for Tommy only. Susie has dishes to wash with mom!Īs such, they had to start from the ground up, hence the inclusion of techno-superior aliens to liven things up and “Transformerfy” the film. Obviously Hasbro wanted to replicated the success of the Transformers series, from which Battleship borrows heavily. But I guess you need some sort of brand recognition when you’re spending $200M on a film, even if it’s just grasping at childhood straws. An original, blockbuster feature about aliens fighting battleships is not the worst idea for a movie, but with the “Battleship” brand attached, all anyone ever sees is the toy. The film would have at least garnered some respect if it just dropped the entire Battleship moniker to begin with. For example, is Hasbro shelling out millions upon millions for this feature to increase sales of their archaic Battleship board game? Or did those involved with the film have to pay the toy company to allow them to use the branding power of the game that we all played approximately five times as children? The mind boggles at how equally stupid each scenario is.
#Ps1 hagrid therapist movie
The announcement of a Battleship film was met with jeers, and rightfully so, it’s a concept so dumb it makes the upcoming Asteroids movie look like Citizen Kane in comparison. Hollywood has run out of ideas to the point where they’re making movies out of board games. It’s a concept that’s been mocked for well over a year now.
0 kommentar(er)
